WHEN YOU FEEL LOST
Hello my love,
I assume you clicked on this blog post because you feel lost in some part of your life. I feel you.
I have been feeling half-lost for the last few months. Hanging in the in-between zones of life. Almost there and being able to taste it but not quite there yet. I say half-lost because I have moments of pure clarity about what I want to create from this life, and then the next day like a bad magic trick, the clarity fogs up and I feel lost again. Dis-connected from life and my drive to create and play. My lack of patience and wanting things to be known has been a big part of this healing experience. It has created a lot of inner resistance to my daily reality but it has also offered me a mirror to look deeper into myself.
Usually we feel either stuck or lost because we feel like our current reality isn’t ‘right’, we shouldn't be where we are at. We have a vision of what we want from life (we made a conscious decision) or we have inherited what we think life should look like (unconscious standards that have been handed down from your family and society as a whole).
There are in my opinion two things that need to be cared for to shift out of this state of confusion and resistance:
one. What are your expectations?
The first one is to become conscious of which beliefs or expectations you have about life and whether they are something you want to hold onto. Let me explain.
In my late teens I was very much still asleep, following what everyone else was doing or telling me to do. I didn’t question these ‘expecations’ about life, or actually, let’s call them milestones. Because we measure our success in life depending on whether we achieved these milestones.
So if you find yourself feeling down about not having X, Y or Z, ask yourself do you truly want these things or have these been handed down to you as things you ‘should’ achieve. For me this was a hard exercise because no one around me was showing an alternative way of living. Social media was just getting started and I hadn’t been exposed yet to what other people around the world were creating with their life. So it was hard for me to conceive what was possible outside of how everyone else was living their life.
I’ll give another more recent example: today I felt stuck and down on myself because I felt tired and unmotivated to create anything. I just wanted to take a million naps and watch youtube videos. I felt bad about this desire because part of me didn’t realise I had an unconscious standard still holding strong: I need to be productive every single day to live a successful life and if I don’t, I’ll get behind in life.
Once I realised my frustration was caused by this unconscious expectation, I was able to shift out of it. I realised this was a belief that wasn't my own and isn’t something I want to measure my life by. Instead I want to consciously create a life that is filled with pockets of silence and nurturance. I don’t want to be constantly on the run, producing and achieving. Don’t get me wrong, I love those days but I also want to create a life that allows me to chose to take slow days in between. Days where I can breathe and re-charge in between. Moments to re-connect and tune in - or tune out and watch conspiracy videos on youtube haha ;)
Task: So take some time today to sit down and meditate on what you want to create from life. What do you want your life to look and feel like? You could write down your ideal day or week. Once you have written it down, go over it again and check in with every piece of it; is this really what I want or do I think I should do this because I see everyone else do it? Keep re-writting until you have come to the version that feels truest to you and your desires.
two. Resistance & Black/White thinking
Another puzzel-piece to complete the shift is: feeling resistance to our current reality. For some reason we fear feeling our ‘negative’ emotions. I always feared that if I gave into them and felt deeply into them, they would take over my whole being and I would never feel good again. As you can guess, quite the opposite is true. Feeling into your feelings of desperation and impatience actually helps you shift through them.
Task: It is our negative emotions that are the most crucial to creating a life in alignment. They show us where we are out of alignment. Our ‘positive’ emotions affirm we are on the right path. So don’t shoot the messenger and sit down with your emotions, listen to what they have to tell you. It’s up to you how you chose to communicate with your emotions, personally I love writing them down or sitting in meditation. But you basically want to create a dialogue between you and your emotions. Ask them what they are here to show you. What are they wanting you to be aware of. What are they trying to bring to the surface?
Besides releasing resistance to our negative emotions, I also invite you to drop the black and white view we have on our reality. So many times I have caught myself thinking, if I am not ‘there’ yet it means I am failing. However in reality everything needs its time to grow and blossom. Did a flower bud fail because it hasn't flourished yet today? Of course not. Each flower flourishes at its own pace. Each fruit rippens when it’s ready to and the conditions are just right.
My resistance to the in-between stages of life is what it causing me to feel so lost. I feel like if I am not there yet, I must be doing something wrong or maybe this is not my ‘right’ path to begin with. I go down a spiral of over-thinking when in reality I am probably at the cusp of change, on the eve of arriving where I have been travelling to. Trust that this life has got your back and that it wants, just as much as you do, for you to succeed. Trust that things come in their divine timing and all you have to do is work on flourishing from the inside out so that your life can start mirroring this back at you.
Task: to make this step more practical (can you tell I am a Taurus, I love making things grounded and practical), take your notebook out again and figure out in what parts of your life you feel like you are in the in-between twilight zone. Notice how writing about these things makes you feel. If you feel the all-or-nothing (or black/white) mentality creep in, ask yourself what you can do to shift out of it? I love watching manifestation success stories to re-fire my trust in this life. You could also directly ask the universe to give you a sign that all is good, and you can trust the progression of your life. Re-connect with your spiritual practice, however that one looks to you.
That was it for today my sweet love.
I hope you gained some comfort and insight from my words. Feel free to comment below your perspective, tips or insights. ❤️